The Vail of Forgetfulness

Disclaimer: I am very grateful for the opportunity I have to bare my own children.  I know that it is one of the greatest blessings in life.  I am so happy to be expecting baby #5.  I'm quite sure I never really forgot my other pregnancies, I just found getting pregnant again worth it, but there is some level of forgetfulness. 

It is 5 AM and I can’t sleep.  I am almost 25 weeks preggo and feeling super nauseous.  I got up to take some medicine so that I don’t feel so sick and so that I can sleep.  I hope that it will kick in quickly!  I may be able to sleep through the sick feeling except that I have turned into a punching bag.  Now that I am up it seems like he is resting, but while I was lying in bed my baby was having a dance party. 

This pregnancy has been SO HARD on me and my family that I am almost sure it will be my last.  I am ready to raise and enjoy the children that I have.  With that in mind I thought I should record some of the hard things so that I don’t forget and decide to do this to myself again.

1. Throwing up and feeling nauseous is so much a part of my life that I hardly remember what it feels like to not feel sick.  (Ironically I just took a puke brake.  Sadly I don’t feel done or better I just have a nasty taste in my mouth and watery eyes.)
2. In part due to the high doses of medication I take in order to keep food down I have terrible constipation. 
3. My syatic back pain is back causing me to have difficulty getting around.  I never know when I take a step if it will send shooting pain down my leg, and if I am up too much in a day the back pain is almost unbearable.
4. Pain and sickness cause me to be grumpy.  I don’t like to be short tempered and crabby with my family, but it is so hard when I don’t feel good.
5. It is hard to imagine that anyone could be as tired as a sick pregnant lady.  I feel like I could sleep any time.  (Except right now of course while the house is quite and everyone else is sleeping.)  When I can, I nap while Ali is napping, and I try to go to bed early so that I can function, but much of the time I feel so tired.
6. Keeping up on regular daily tasks seems impossible. Some nights when I look at the toys on the floor and feel my aching back and tired body I just want to burst into tears or start screaming.  Luckily I recognize that braking point and hit the tub while Josh and the kids clean up and get ready for bed.
7. Heartburn has become a constant.  I am so sorry for people who suffer from heartburn on a daily basis.  I know that there is a cure for mine – have a baby.  In the mean time it is uncomfortable and defiantly something to add to the list.
8. This is not an extensive list it includes nothing of labor, delivery, post-pardum or a bunch of other things that I may not be experiencing at this moment.

I know there are people that have it worse than me, and I think the worse thing of all would be infertility.  I guess I just want my children to know that getting them here was no easy experience!