Monday, March 12, 2012

The Vail of Forgetfulness

Disclaimer: I am very grateful for the opportunity I have to bare my own children.  I know that it is one of the greatest blessings in life.  I am so happy to be expecting baby #5.  I'm quite sure I never really forgot my other pregnancies, I just found getting pregnant again worth it, but there is some level of forgetfulness. 

It is 5 AM and I can’t sleep.  I am almost 25 weeks preggo and feeling super nauseous.  I got up to take some medicine so that I don’t feel so sick and so that I can sleep.  I hope that it will kick in quickly!  I may be able to sleep through the sick feeling except that I have turned into a punching bag.  Now that I am up it seems like he is resting, but while I was lying in bed my baby was having a dance party. 

This pregnancy has been SO HARD on me and my family that I am almost sure it will be my last.  I am ready to raise and enjoy the children that I have.  With that in mind I thought I should record some of the hard things so that I don’t forget and decide to do this to myself again.
  1. Throwing up and feeling nauseous is so much a part of my life that I hardly remember what it feels like to not feel sick.  (Ironically I just took a puke brake.  Sadly I don’t feel done or better I just have a nasty taste in my mouth and watery eyes.)
  2. In part due to the high doses of medication I take in order to keep food down I have terrible constipation. 
  3. My syatic back pain is back causing me to have difficulty getting around.  I never know when I take a step if it will send shooting pain down my leg, and if I am up too much in a day the back pain is almost unbearable.
  4. Pain and sickness cause me to be grumpy.  I don’t like to be short tempered and crabby with my family, but it is so hard when I don’t feel good.
  5. It is hard to imagine that anyone could be as tired as a sick pregnant lady.  I feel like I could sleep any time.  (Except right now of course while the house is quite and everyone else is sleeping.)  When I can, I nap while Ali is napping, and I try to go to bed early so that I can function, but much of the time I feel so tired.
  6. Keeping up on regular daily tasks seems impossible. Some nights when I look at the toys on the floor and feel my aching back and tired body I just want to burst into tears or start screaming.  Luckily I recognize that braking point and hit the tub while Josh and the kids clean up and get ready for bed.
  7. Heartburn has become a constant.  I am so sorry for people who suffer from heartburn on a daily basis.  I know that there is a cure for mine – have a baby.  In the mean time it is uncomfortable and defiantly something to add to the list.
  8. This is not an extensive list it includes nothing of labor, delivery, post-pardum or a bunch of other things that I may not be experiencing at this moment.
I know there are people that have it worse than me, and I think the worse thing of all would be infertility.  I guess I just want my children to know that getting them here was no easy experience!  

1 comment:

The Ravsten's said...

Hang in there friend and thanks for reminding me of some of the reasons why I'm happy with the three I've got! Stay strong. The end will come. At least you know that and you'll have another sweet little baby to hold in your arms! Yeah! Take care.